Re: OT: Safe Riddles

On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 02:15:57 +0000, Greg Heilers wrote:

>
>
> Happy Holidays Everyone!
>
> Here is an assortment of random-subject riddles, having
> absolutely nothing to do with the season (nor SlackWare
> or even Linux) ...yet funny nevertheless.**And*they*are*
> non-threatening (in a PC way), so you may safely share
> them with your families over the holidays.
>
> I think I like #21 best of all...
>
> :o)
>
> .................................................. .............
>
> 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
>
> Unique Up On It.
>
>
> 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
>
> Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
>
>
> 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
>
> They Take The Psycho Path
>
>
> 4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
>
> You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
>
>
> 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
>
> Dam!
>
>
> 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
>
> Polaroids
>
>
> 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
>
> A Stick
>
>
> 8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
>
> Nacho Cheese.
>
>
> 9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
>
> Subordinate Clauses.
>
>
> 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
>
> Quattro Sinko..
>
>
> 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
>
> Spoiled Milk.
>
>
> 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
>
> Frostbite.
>
>
> 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
>
> A Nervous Wreck.
>
>
> 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
>
> Anyone Can Roast Beef.
>
>
> 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
>
> Right Where You Left Him.
>
>
> 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
>
> Because They Have Big Fingers.
>
>
> 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
>
> Because It Scares The Dog.
>
>
> 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
>
> Sanka.
>
>
> 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
>
> The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
>
>
> 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
>
> Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
>
>
> 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
>
> A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
> A Bad Skydiver Goes, Dang! Whack.
>
>
> 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
>
> Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
>
>
>
> .....................
>
> Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile.
>
Smile??!!?!? I ROFL so loud, I'm crossposting this to some of my other
favorite groups!

"Rich Grise" <rich@example.net> wrote in message
news:pan.2004.12.24.07.05.16.251659@example.net...
> On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 02:15:57 +0000, Greg Heilers wrote:
>
> >
> >
> > Happy Holidays Everyone!
> >
> > Here is an assortment of random-subject riddles, having
> > absolutely nothing to do with the season (nor SlackWare
> > or even Linux) ...yet funny nevertheless. And they are
> > non-threatening (in a PC way), so you may safely share
> > them with your families over the holidays.
> >
> > I think I like #21 best of all...
> >
> > :o)
> >
> > .................................................. .............
> >
> > 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
> >
> > Unique Up On It.
> >
> >
> > 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
> >
> > Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
> >
> >
> > 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
> >
> > They Take The Psycho Path
> >
> >
> > 4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
> >
> > You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
> >
> >
> > 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
> >
> > Dam!
> >
> >
> > 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
> >
> > Polaroids
> >
> >
> > 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
> >
> > A Stick
> >
> >
> > 8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
> >
> > Nacho Cheese.
> >
> >
> > 9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
> >
> > Subordinate Clauses.
> >
> >
> > 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
> >
> > Quattro Sinko..
> >
> >
> > 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
> >
> > Spoiled Milk.
> >
> >
> > 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
> >
> > Frostbite.
> >
> >
> > 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
> >
> > A Nervous Wreck.
> >
> >
> > 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
> >
> > Anyone Can Roast Beef.
> >
> >
> > 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
> >
> > Right Where You Left Him.
> >
> >
> > 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
> >
> > Because They Have Big Fingers.
> >
> >
> > 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
> >
> > Because It Scares The Dog.
> >
> >
> > 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
> >
> > Sanka.
> >
> >
> > 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
> >
> > The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
> >
> >
> > 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
> >
> > Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
> >
> >
> > 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
> >
> > A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
> > A Bad Skydiver Goes, Dang! Whack.
> >
> >
> > 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
> >
> > Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
> >
> >
> >
> > .....................
> >
> > Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile.
> >
> Smile??!!?!? I ROFL so loud, I'm crossposting this to some of my other
> favorite groups!
>
Heh heh, so,you're still bored then Rich :-)-

--
Regards ..... Rheilly Phoull

I think you'd be better off trimming the list, keeping only 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
10, 13, 14, and 21.

Bill Smythe

A Buddhist, a Zoroastrian, and a Wiccan walk into a bar. The bartender says,
"You guys are in the wrong joke."

/sorry
//really, really sorry

In rec.puzzles Bill Smythe <chichess@beforercnafter.com> wrote:
> I think you'd be better off trimming the list, keeping only 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
> 10, 13, 14, and 21.

Seeing as how my favourites were 7 and 17, I guess it proves that
there's no accounting for tastes :)

martin

When geese fly in an inverted V formation, why is one arm of the V
longer than the other?

It has more geese in it!

That's kinda funny, for some odd reason. I guess it's so unexpected.....

"Mike T." <root@127.0.0.1> wrote in message
news:33oqu3F41dl06U1@individual.net...
> A Buddhist, a Zoroastrian, and a Wiccan walk into a bar. The bartender
says,
> "You guys are in the wrong joke."
>
> /sorry
> //really, really sorry
>
>

"Rhyanon" <pissoff@uberbitch.com> writes:
> That's

What is?
Did you perhaps want to leave some context _before_ your _reply_ to it?
Such as:

> "Mike T." <root@127.0.0.1> wrote in message
> news:33oqu3F41dl06U1@individual.net...
> > A Buddhist, a Zoroastrian, and a Wiccan walk into a bar. The bartender
> says,
> > "You guys are in the wrong joke."

Anyway, you say it's ...

> kinda funny, for some odd reason. I guess it's so unexpected.....


Vaguely reminiscent of the "Bernard Righton" (a diametric antithesis to
Bernard Manning, who is an ignorant and offensive racist, sexist, and
everything-else-ist bigot) joke:

(needs to be said with a broad Yorkshire accent for full effect)

A Jew, a Chinaman, and a Pakistani walk into a pub.
What a perfect example of a racially integrated society.


Bernard Righton is a character of the actor John Thompson, who for
example also plays the host of 'Jazz Club', and professor Denzil
Dexter, on /The Fast Show/.


Phil

--
The gun is good. The penis is evil... Go forth and kill.

"Rhyanon" <pissoff@uberbitch.com> wrote in message
news:10tg01l1rmbag2e@corp.supernews.com...
> That's kinda funny, for some odd reason. I guess it's so unexpected.....

The 'unexpected' is the essence of humor. That and pain.

The two main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult.

No, wait! That's three!

The three main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult. And indignity!

No, wait again! That's four!

Among the *main* tools of humor are surprise, pain, insult, and indignity.

<No one laughs at the Spanish Inquisition>

"We laugh because it hurts." - Robert Heinlein


Tom Davidson
Richmond, VA

"tadchem" <tadchemNOSPAM@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:TvGdnc6gHPWZgkXcRVn-jA@comcast.com...
>
> "Rhyanon" <pissoff@uberbitch.com> wrote in message
> news:10tg01l1rmbag2e@corp.supernews.com...
> > That's kinda funny, for some odd reason. I guess it's so unexpected.....
>
> The 'unexpected' is the essence of humor. That and pain.
>
> The two main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult.
>
> No, wait! That's three!
>
> The three main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult. And
indignity!
>
> No, wait again! That's four!
>
> Among the *main* tools of humor are surprise, pain, insult, and indignity.

Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) suggests that all humour combines at least two
of the following:

Cuteness
Meanness
Bizarreness
Recognizability
Naughtiness
Cleverness.

Rather a good list, I think.

Danny

On Sun, 02 Jan 2005 19:02:59 +0000, Danny Kodicek wrote:

>
> "tadchem" <tadchemNOSPAM@comcast.net> wrote in message
> news:TvGdnc6gHPWZgkXcRVn-jA@comcast.com...
>>
>> "Rhyanon" <pissoff@uberbitch.com> wrote in message
>> news:10tg01l1rmbag2e@corp.supernews.com...
>> > That's kinda funny, for some odd reason. I guess it's so unexpected.....
>>
>> The 'unexpected' is the essence of humor. That and pain.
>>
>> The two main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult.
>>
>> No, wait! That's three!
>>
>> The three main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult. And
> indignity!
>>
>> No, wait again! That's four!
>>
>> Among the *main* tools of humor are surprise, pain, insult, and indignity.
>
> Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) suggests that all humour combines at least two
> of the following:
>
> Cuteness
> Meanness
> Bizarreness
> Recognizability
> Naughtiness
> Cleverness.
>
> Rather a good list, I think.

I'd say that without more than a bit of "rocognizability" the rest don't
matter. Humor is all about making the ordinary look extraordinary.
Dilbert wouldn't be at all funny if we hadn't seen the PHBs in life!

--
Keith